you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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