Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so let's talk penis.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize