Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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