unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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