Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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