holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
