I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
