32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
