They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
