I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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