WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
