The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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