She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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