Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
