I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
