Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
