Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
