hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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