Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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