...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
