I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
