there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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