just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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