it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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