you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm like, not good at living.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
