I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You dont lie about slip and slides
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
