In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
