yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
