I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize