Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
