If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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