I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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