I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize