he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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