I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
