i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
