I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
