Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize