If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
