I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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