yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
