Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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