He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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