after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize