he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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