In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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