So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
