So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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