i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
