just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize