just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
