just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
