maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize