Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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