since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
