Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I've blown a few things in my day
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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