summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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