I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
