so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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