I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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