I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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