I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
