They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't put those talents on a resume
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
