guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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