I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
