she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We don't watch enough power rangers
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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