theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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