Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
