I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
