he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
