Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
