i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The air was thick with penises
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He has the fingertips of a God
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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