my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
