if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
