Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
