Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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