I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You dont lie about slip and slides
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
