ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
