i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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