My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you never un-have a 4some
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
