I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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