A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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