Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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