Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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