i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
