You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sorry about my life...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
