I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
