Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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