Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
