Betty ford says i'm here all night
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
