So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
