you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
