No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
