oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
