So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I didn't notice because vodka
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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