can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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