My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
