why didn't you poke me back
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i believe in u and ur pee
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
