shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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