You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
