so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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