I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Damn victory sex feels great
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
