yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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