well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
